Activism...

I have always felt it better to light a candle than curse the darkness. I am committed to fighting the evils abortion, racism, hatred, and the many other forms of darkness in this world. One of the most wonderful point of light that can come out of a dark world is the miracle of adoption. Blake and I have been blessed with four children: three of those have been adopted. Here is just one of their stories. I will add more in the future as a busy mom's schedule permits! ;-)  -Linda

Eve's Adoption Story

January, 2003....

I wrote this shortly after I returned home from Korea with Eve in December of 1998 when Eve was 23 months old. "Internet friends" I have never even met face to face held a raffle for a Beanie Baby and raised over $2000 to help us with adoption expenses. We are so blessed! Eve is now almost six, and has grown into a gorgeous and brilliant Kindergartener!

Eve turns when you call her "Eve", and understands quite a few things we are saying to her in English. Her first word is "hello", and she takes great pleasure in using it! She smiles and laughs often, and it just lights up the room!

The boys, Eve and myself are all sleeping on matresses on the floor in the boy's room. With this arrangement, Eve is sleeping about 10 hours a night, waking only once to be changed. She was still being given baby formula with rice cereal mixed in at least twice a day, and we are weaning her off of that (though I will not take away her bottle in the near future).....she's now eating more solid food, and favorites include corn, applesauce, peaches, bread, and french fries. She loves to drink water, and has also now developed quite a taste for Coke!

The visits to the specialists have begun. So far, we have seen our pediatrician, a pediatric dentist, and have had to get a set of spinal x-rays done.

We are so blessed to have Eve as part of our family. We know the next several years will be filled with doctor visits and surgeries, but all she has to do is smile at you and you forget all of that!

Boy, was the week of the trip ever busy! In addition to packing, we had our son's third birthday party at our house two days before I left. Then there was the issue of Santa. I had to leave the house for the airport at 5:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. I had a heart to heart with the jolly old fellow, and he agreed to make an early stop at the very civilized hour of four in the afternoon on Christmas Eve!

After Santa's visit, I finished packing. I must admit that I waaaaay overdid it on the toys and "stuff" I took for Eve, just as a list member warned me I was doing! I also underestimated Eve's size: from her reports it sounded like she was a size 18 months, and she is a solid 24 months. The clothes I brought for her barely fit. One thing I did do right is what I selected for my clothing: one pair of jeans, two sweaters, a velour dress, a velour skirt, and two velour tops. I wore everything at least once, and nothing wrinkled. Oh, and remember as you send gifts to your waiting sons and daughters that you will have to bring all the gifts back with you. Eve's foster parents gave me every single thing back, plus a lot of other things for her.....but the good news is that you can get luggage at a really good price in Korea.

With everything finally packed, Christmas morning finally arrived! We were pretty anxious about the weather, since Dallas had received ice the day before. But as we left the house, the roads were dry. Knowing what a scatterbrain I can be, Blake (my dh) asked me the "checklist questions" several times that morning: "do you have your airline ticket, passport, ID, money, credit cards, etc.?" I assured him that I did. Ten minutes into the trip I realized I had left my traveler's checks at home. So back we went. But we arrived at the airport in plenty of time.

On the flight from Dallas to Minneapolis, I was seated with a lady named Liz from Ft. Worth. She's a city desk editor at the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, and the two of us had a blast talking about the media business, current events, as well as the whole concept of being "disabled". Liz was born prematurely, and shortly after her birth was given too much oxygen. She has been blind her whole life, but has had a wonderful career as well as a terrific personal/social life. I really do think that being seated by her was God's little Christmas morning gift to me! Then, just as I thought the flight couldn't get better, about a half an hour before landing, the flight attendant seated a gentleman in the seat between us. He overheard us talking about Eve going to Texas Scottish Rite for her prosthetic leg. With more than just a little amazement in his voice he said, "does your daughter need a prosthetic leg?" I said yes, and he handed me his business card: turns out he's the instructor of orthotics at UT Health Science Center in Dallas! He spent the rest of the flight looking at her pictures and telling me what to expect in the way of treatment both short and long term.

I got off the plane in Minneapolis and was met by the angel face of Charlotte, daughter of Ron and Susan. They brought a gift for me to carry to Seoul for their son, Simon. Not only that, they brought Eve a gorgeous red dress and a Beanie baby! What a great welcome! We visited for a few minutes, and then they were off to Grandma's house for Christmas Day. I was off on a very long flight to Tokyo, then on to Seoul. All I could think about was getting to Seoul.

Everyone deplaned in Seoul, and the veterans of the trip walked/ran to the customs area. After clearing, I was met by Sheri, a dear friend I made over the internet. Her husband is stationed in Seoul. Sheri was an absolute angel my whole trip, carting me around all over the place, having me over for dinner, taking me shopping, and generally being my guardian angel. She helped me load all my stuff into her family van, and off we went into the streets of Seoul. And what an experience! First thing Sheri points out is that there are lights before lights: kind of a light warning you there's a traffic light coming up! She says everyone runs these "warning" lights. I comment on the nice, wide, 3-lane city streets. Sheri laughs and says at rush hour, those 3 lanes will turn into 5! But it's around 10 on Saturday evening, and I won't be treated to Seoul traffic in all its glory until Monday morning.

We arrive at my home for the next few days, the Crown Hotel. It's located just across the street from where Sheri lives. I was finally in Seoul, and the next day I would finally meet my daughter!

Sunday morning, Sheri dropped me off at Han Suh Hospital, where SWS is located. I was greeted by Eve's wonderful social worker and my guide/translator for the next several days, Ms. Nym. We were to meet Eve at her foster home. Before we left, Ms. Nym handed me a letter from Eve's birth mother. This woman and her husband have tremendous love for Eve, and they were going through tremendous pain over having to place Eve for adoption. I knew meeting them the next day will be one of the most memorable, yet one of the hardest days of my life.

We are on the way to the foster home.....on the way to Eve! I can hardly believe it! We pass the Olympic complex, and then go into a residential type neighborhood. There is a very large apartment complex that must cover several city blocks. I recognize these buildings from the pictures I have: this is Eve's home! I have the presence of mind to somehow roll down the window and snap a picture of the outside of the building. Ms. Nym and I get out of the car and start walking down one of the sidewalks. I look about 20 feet down the sidewalk, and there is Eve and her foster mom, waiting for us! Eve takes one look at me buries her head in her foster mom's chest, and, clinging to her for dear life, starts to wail at the top of her lungs! It is at this point that I start having a conversation with myself: "okay, heart....brain here. I told you this was going to happen remember? Now don't break on me....remain calm......I'm going to have to take it from here."

We step into the apartment: we are first in a small kitchen, which leads to two other rooms, both about 10 by 10. The home is impeccably clean, and although it is very small, everything is arranged to make the most of the space. Living here is foster mom, foster dad, foster sister, foster brother, foster grandma, Eve, and Sung Ho (a.k.a. Gabriel). Also in the apartment that day was me, Ms. Nym, and foster mom's sister, brother-in-law, and niece! Chaos reigns for awhile as Eve wails and her foster mom opens the gifts I've brought. Eve does accept her gift (a Magnadoodle: she loves to draw), and Ms. Nym tells me this is a good sign, as she threw other gifts across the room! I snap pictures and do some video of Eve and Sung Ho. Eve has calmed down some, but still won't even look at me. So her foster sister takes her into the other room to play with her Magnadoodle while the other women go to the kitchen to prepare a meal.

SIDE NOTE: When your agency tells you to "dress up", they mean it. It was Sunday afternoon, and everyone was dressed for our meeting in very nice business attire. Definitely do not wear jeans, and I would even caution the women not to wear pants (this coming from a woman who usually thinks she's dressed to the nines if she's wearing her "good sweats".)

The foster mom and grandmother brought in a truly wonderful meal: not just a snack, but an entire meal! I tasted everything, but was much too involved in the fact that I was finally in the same ROOM with Eve to be interested in food.

About three-quarters of the way into the visit, Eve calmed down enough to allow me to pat her back while foster mom held her....as long as she didn't have to look at me! Towards the end of the visit, she began to cry again. The foster mom told me that it was because she missed her nap that day, but also because she had been telling her what was happening, and was convinced that Eve understood and had begun to grieve ("Yoon Ah is very smart", she told me).

And what a wonderful foster mom to try to prepare Eve for a new home: this terrific family had been foster parenting for over ten years. Pictures of their past foster children covered a mirror in one of the rooms. These people cared deeply for all of the children that were entrusted to them.

After several hours, Ms. Nym and I said our goodbyes, and Eve's foster father walked me to the main street near their apartment and hailed a taxi for me. Seoul taxi rides are quite an experience, and this one was no exception! After several what I would call "near misses", I closed my eyes!

I arrived back at the hotel around 3 in the afternoon, I think. To say I was keyed-up after my first meeting with Eve would be a huge understatement. The main street of Itaewon was only one street over, so I engaged in the only logical stress-reliever: I went shopping! Now, mind you, I am from Dallas, Texas.....home of scads of malls and outlet centers. I thought I had a black belt in shopping. But Itaewon was simply amazing. Shops, shops, and more shops along the main drag, and many more stalls, booths and stands in the side alleys and in the underground shopping areas. I feared if I ventured off into one of the side streets I would get hopelessly lost. Feeling overwhelmed, I mostly stuck to shops along the main street: I was overwhelmed, but not too overwhelmed to buy things! That day I bought handmade fridge magnets, decorative tassles (that I gave as Christmas ornaments), a couple of Korean dolls, and some fabric tote bags that featured a print of children from all over the world (these are adorable, and a big hit with everyone that saw them when I arrived home ;-)

After an afternoon of shopping in Itaewon, I went to Sheri's house for a good old American dinner of spaghetti. Falling asleep that night was definitely not easy. I would get to see my sweet Eve again the next day, and I would have the chance few people ever get: the chance to meet my daughter's birth family.

The birthparents and I were to meet at SWS at 11. I woke up at my usual 5 a.m., had my devotion/prayer time, and got dressed. Still only 7:00 a.m.! I wanted breakfast, but didn't want to eat at the hotel, so I start walking around Itaewon. Most of the stores and restaurants don't open till 9:00 at the earliest. But what's this....a 7-11! Not only was it a great place to get breakfast, but it's a treasure trove of souveniers for the kids in the neighborhood. I bought a whole bunch of candy, gum, and cookies for the kids and breakfast for me (a wonderful steamed bun and a Diet Coke....."Coke Light").

After the stores started opening, I went luggage shopping as I wasn't going to be able to cram everything into the two large suitcases I had brought with me. I also realized Eve would be entitled to a suitcase on the trip home, so I searched for the biggest, most inexpensive one I could find. I found a very nice one with three large wheels!

By now it was finally time to go to SWS. After a short and thankfully uneventful taxi ride, I went up to the offices. I was a half an hour early, buy my social worker greeted me and said the birth parents had already arrived. They were in a side room, reading the letter I had written to them. Here are some exerpts from what I shared…

We live in a suburb of Dallas. It is a great place to live: lots of parks and things to do. People from all over the world live in our community, including a large Korean community. We will make sure Yoon-Ah knows her Korean heritage, just as we share Simon’s Mexican heritage with him.

realize that this was an act of incredible love that the rest of us that haven’t been in your position can’t even imagine. You want Yoon-Ah to have the best live possible, and that is why you made the decision that you did. You have great love for Yoon-Ah, and I honor you for that…With your approval, I would like to stay in contact with you, exchanging pictures and videos. And, when Yoon-Ah is older, we would love to come back to Korea for a visit.

May God richly bless your family. We look forward to getting to know you, and keeping in touch with you for many years to come!"

We entered the room, and my social worker introduced us. They spoke no English, so she also translated for us. Eve's birth father and birth mother looked up at me for a second as we were being introduced, then returned their gazes to the floor. It was evident they had both been crying: birth mother had red, puffy eyes, and birth father wiped his face in an attempt to hide his tears.

I knew it was going to be an emotional meeting, but when I was face-to-face with Eve's birthparents, I almost broke down. But for weeks I had been talking to the Lord about the meeting. I asked Him to give me a peace that would help me get through the meeting. He did this. There was so much I wanted to say, but since this husband and wife that had been through so much, all I wanted to do was comfort them in some small way.

The social worker, Eve's birthparents, and I all just sat in silence for a few moments. It was a very sad and quiet time. The person that broke the mood of sadness and mourning was a precious little girl named Yoon-A, Eve's sister! Eve was her birthparent's first child, and now they had a second little girl, about to turn a year old. Yoon-A is a beautiful, happy little baby, and all of us focused on her for a time, playing with her and doing things to make her smile (not a hard task: she's a smiley little girl!)

After awhile, we began to talk. The birthparents made arrangements to meet Eve and her foster mom at SWS as soon as they found out Eve would soon be leaving Korea. They had sent her many gifts on her first birthday, and they brought many gifts to the visit (all of which Eve's foster mom lovingly saved for me and gave me to take home). That was their one and only meeting, until this day, when they would visit with me, and when they would see Eve one last time.

We talked about many things that day: about Eve's medical problems and how they would be taken care of, about the home she was going to, about the family she was going to......just about everything you can think of! Perhaps the hardest thing for the birthparents to understand was that Eve would have a life in the U.S. where she could accomplish just about anything she put her mind to.

After talking for some time about the life Eve would be going to, the birthparents still seemed very, very heartbroken. I know there was absolutely nothing I could ever say or do that would take away all of the pain, but I thought I could at least try to ease it a little. I told them that I knew that what they did for Eve was out of a love most of us can't even imagine. I also shared with them the story of our first son, Simon, and his birthmother, Jenny. I also shared with them my source of perfect peace....."the peace that passes all understanding"......Jesus Christ.

I had brought my video camera and camera along, but was reluctant to bring them out. The birthmother asked me to. I first brought out the camera, and took several pictures of birthparents and Yoon-A. Then the birthmother asked if she and I could have our picture taken together. I gave the camera to the birthfather, and sat down next to birthmother on the couch. She reached out and took my hand and held onto it tightly. If I live to be 100, I will never, ever, forget that moment- just as I will never forget the moment that Jenny, still in her bed in the birthing room, handed Simon to me and said, "here, Mom". I knew in my heart that the birthmother taking my hand symbolized the same thing....she was saying, "here, Mom". I was humbled and honored to now twice be in the presence of women with such amazing love for their children. Mother Theresa used to say that she saw Jesus in the faces of those she ministered to. I have seen Jesus in the faces of the birthmothers of my children.

About this time, Eve and her foster mom arrived at SWS…

This was an update that I wrote about a year after Eve's homecoming...

Eve, Christmas 1999

Not a day goes by that I don't think about and thank God for all the wonderful people that contributed their prayers and their financial resources to help bring our precious Eve Yoon-Ah home. We appreciate so very much the support we have received, and continue to receive....I get at least one email a week asking how Eve is doing. So, for those of you who are wondering how Eve is doing, the answer is-

WONDERFUL!

Eve celebrated her first "airplane day" on December 30, 1999. She will turn 3 on January 30. Eve is gorgeous, growing like crazy (she's already wearing 4's and 5's!), smiley, full of laughter and fun, and so smart it's almost scary. Meeting her, it is absolutely impossible to tell she was born with so many medical conditions. For those of you that don't know Eve's story, she was born with spina bifida, scoliosis, fused kidneys, imperforate anus, rectovaginal fistula, disarticulated hips, most of her right hip missing, her right leg missing from the knee down, and a condition called bladder exstrophy, where her bladder was lying on her abdomen, outside her body.

Eve is our third child, and our second adoption. Our boys, Simon (almost 6) and Adam (4) were born without medical problems. After a year of caring for a special needs child, I can honestly say that it is very similar to caring for a non special needs child. There are a few things we have to do a little differently, but these routines have just become a normal part of our lives. Besides, the few special measures we have to take are nothing compared to the joy Eve brings to us every day.

When we got Eve, I prayed that God would give us at least six months where she wouldn't have to stay in the hospital or have any surgeries. He heard my prayer, and we have had a year of no overnight hospital stays, and no surgeries! In fact, we've just had one trip to the ER for a urinary tract infection!

Despite medical conditions that will have to be addressed with surgery and managed very carefully, Eve is blossoming. She is beginning to take steps all by herself with her prosthetic leg. When we go places where lots of walking is required (like the mall and the zoo), she has a little pediatric wheelchair that she can roll herself and even negotiate doorways with ease. The first surgery she will have to have will be this Spring sometime, to construct an internal, permanent bladder and bowel system. One of Eve's kidneys doesn't function and the other has fluid on it, but so far it hasn't affected her health or damaged the kidney. The doctors monitor her kidney condition closely with regular sonograms, and they tell us if we can keep the kidney working till she's 18, chances are she won't have to have a transplant. Eve is officially classified as having spina bifida, but it doesn't seem to be affecting her in any way. Her scoliosis is being monitored, and so far the degree of curvature hasn't changed much. We hope this continues to be the case, so that we can wait till she is a teen to have the surgery that will straighten her spine. She will also have to have extensive reconstructive surgery in the area where her bladder was, but that's down the road. All this said, Eve takes no special medication, eats a regular diet, and with the exception of putting on her prosthetic leg and using cloth diapers because she's allergic to latex, she is no harder (or easier- LOL) to care for than your "average" two-year-old.

I never forget the fact that one of the biggest reasons that Eve is doing so well now is because of the wonderful care and love she received in Korea. The doctors here say that the care that was given to her in her first two years was obviously very good. Despite being in the hospital the entire first year of her life, Eve is emotionally a very warm, loving, and fun little girl. Several of the nurses in the hospital took her with them on "rounds" to care for other patients, and she also had special caregivers that watched over her in the hospital. Many of them came to the SWS office to say goodbye to Eve and give her little gifts- all of them had tears in their eyes. She also had a wonderful social worker, Miss Nam, who openly wept as we got on the airplane bound for the U.S.. Eve also had a very loving foster family that showered her with affection. Our Korean children are so lucky that they had such caring, loving people in their lives.

Eve is absolutely the light of all our lives, and we just can't imagine life without her. Her physical problems don't amount to much at all when compared to the truly remarkable little person she is. Out of the many, many people that have contacted us about Eve, by far the most special emails are those from people who say they adopted a special needs child after seeing Eve and reading about her. These emails mean a lot to me, and I know they will mean a lot to Eve someday.

There are so many special needs children that need a forever family. Take a look at their pictures with an open mind as to age, type of disability you want to deal with, etc. Most likely, one (or more) of these kids will just "jump out" at you, grab you by the heart, and say, "ADOPT ME!" (or it will seem they are saying this!) Jot down their medical needs, then go to a search engine such as savvysearch.com and investigate the condition: chances are, you'll find lots of information, and, best of all, email lists of parents of children with the same condition...you will learn more from these folks than from ten consultations with doctors! As you're investigating and reading, print out a picture of the child and tape the picture up next to your computer monitor. Pretty soon, you'll be thinking much more about the wonderful-ness of your future child and much less about their medical issues.

Eve and her special friend The Donut Man

We are so happy that Eve is a part of our family, and we thank God for the many people, most of whom we will never meet, that helped us bring her home. Blake and I are very ordinary parents with extraordinary kids. We feel so blessed, now more than ever as we prepare to welcome Simon, Adam, and Eve's little sister into our family! Her name is Jasmine, and she is an adorable 16 month old toddler, living in an orphanage for special needs kids in Hong Kong. Jasmine has a condition called schizencephaly, which means she is missing portions of her brain. That sounded really scary at first, but after reading about the condition and talking to parents who have "schiz kids", we are very comfortable with knowing Jasmine has this. She is slightly delayed developmentally and the right side of her body is partially paralyzed, but she gets excellent care and therapy, and is making lots of great progress....not to mention she's cute as a button! We've been very impressed with how complete the medical records from Hong Kong are, and how quickly we've received answers to any questions we ask. Come home soon, Jasmine!